This month has been a crazy month filled with ups and downs. I have met a good amount of people throughout my process of trying to familiarize the new community I live in as well as the school I am now attending. I am glad I was able to have a helping hand along the way to guide me through my struggles, especially ones that literally brought my confidence and hopes to the edge of giving up. Stress has never hit me so much in my life, but through the help of great people, I was able to overcome it. I am more than thankful for those people. I am happy to say that I will be starting my job in the next few days, with another job interview lined up for tomorrow. May October be filled with great vibes and many new memories.
You’re old enough to control your emotions and put every hate aside. Stop and think for a moment. Reminisce the many great memories created as two. Now think about the precious conversations created within those memories. Think about all the advice once said to one another. Stop resenting. Don’t be regretful. Just put everything aside and act like how you once were since the beginning of time. You’re better than this.
Zen Shin Talks (via ohallwards)
I can not stand staying at home all day. That is what I basically did all day. ALL DAY. I do not know how people are able to do this. Lounging around my bed room and surfing the internet, while continuously checking my phone for any media notifications is not something I would want to do everyday.
I have no job right now, and I have applied to so many places. I am now just waiting to hear from them. I applied to volunteer as a nursing assistant, care taker at all Red Cross locations near me as well as the hospitals in my area. I hope this will end soon because I need to be active and moving.
All of your friends are finally starting to feel the pain I went through having to deal with you. People thought I was just over-reacting or being ‘dramatic’, but they now understand why I despised you. Their assumptions have been proven wrong, and if you want to keep your friends, start changing. It’s time to let go of your past and grow up.
[Dillon Francis - Without You]
(edited to update full version)
Many people are shocked by the fact that I have purchased my car all on my own. I have a 2010 Mazda Rx-8, and it is a gas burner. People tell me all the time that my parents spoil me with so many great things… But the truth behind that is, they don’t. Actually, I have never asked my parents for a single cent since I started working.
I started working at the age of 16, and since then I have been saving up money and continuously been adding money into my savings account in-order to buy myself my own car. I was never that type to ask or beg for money from anyone, especially from my parents. I have disciplined myself to work hard for my own things. Throughout high school, I managed to handle three jobs all at once while being a full-time student. I did AP and IB courses as well as volunteered in club activities. My weeks were busy and I would always come home from work exhausted, but still managed to do all my homework assignments; and if I had no homework, I would knock out.
I paid for my driver’s ed., as well as the tests, and my driver’s license. I paid for my senior portraits, my graduation gown, my own prom, all the clothes I own, as well as everything I own now in my bedroom. All the concerts and raves I go to, I pay for all of them. Nearing the end of my first year of college, I had more than enough money to by myself my own car; and so I did.
You may be wondering why my parents don’t help me. The reason behind that is because I don’t want them to. I refused their help because I never wanted to bother them with money, especially when I knew I could be working for things on my own. I now live on my own, more than 300 miles away from my parents.
This is why I tend to get really irritated and angry when people say that I’m spoiled. Work for your own shit people. It is better to learn how to work for your own things now, rather than having your parents do things for you.
Awaken by a drunk phone call at four in the morning has got to be the most interesting thing ever. This is exactly what happened last night. “I miss you and I still love you” this person said to me. It’s been told that truths are told when intoxicated. I don’t know what to feel.
I was never the type to show weakness, but here I am venting my life on the internet. I thought I was stronger than this, but a person can only hold their emotions to a certain extent.
As I age, my view towards reality has become more vivid than ever before and that truly scares me.
I have not been this stressed in so long. I feel like everything’s falling apart and I am getting no where. Nothing is stable right now for me, and all I can do at this point is write. This is the only way to get things off of my mind.
I have been determined to do well in school, worked my ass off, trying out this new Nursing program, which require me another 2 years, but things aren’t going so well right now.
I am disappointed by the fact that a person can just cut ties, burn the bridge of a person who titled their friendship: brotherhood/family. And I definitely question why an introduction was formed between two people when there would be a lack of support from the mutual. A strong friendship was all I wanted to form, but jealousy took over and I find that to be very selfish. It was hard to believe when told of names that were also involved with the situation… This is not a story to be told.
Financial wise, I have not yet found a job down here and it is worrying me greatly. I think my life would have been a little bit on-track if I didn’t move, but I would rather go out and try newer things that will further my education.
The way I have been feeling lately has been a roller coaster of ups and downs; downs especially. My mind is filled with worry, I have been thinking about many things all at once. The feeling of embarrassment, dissatisfaction, worry, sadness, jealousy etc… are all compiling on top of one another. All I have been doing every night is think. When morning comes, I try my best to think positive, but all the negative vibes take over instead.
I honestly thought things would be great once I moved, but everything decided to go the opposite direction instead.